Rainbow Sherbet
by Otaku Neko Ninja Miko Tenshi
Summary: Drew's been acting suspiciously lately, Dawn is too busy twirling to care, the bathroom is messed up for some reason, and May's just confused. Surprise pairing at the end; dedicated to awolflover2 for daring me to write this whilst also being my entry for the "Story Starter Challenge"! *CRACK FIC, ONE-SHOT, PROCEED AT OWN RISK* (revised)


Rainbow Sherbet _(Because my friend Mango_ _used to joke that it was multi-coloured cocaine) _

**Author: Otaku Neko Ninja Miko Tenshi**

**Posted: 2nd of September; revised 1st of October (format re-vamp)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon; however, all original content belongs to me. The challenges that inspired this belong to their specified creators, and the opening line (italics) is property of **_The Light's Refrain_**.**

—_**Written as a dare for **__awolflover2__**; also my submission to the "Story Starter Challenge!" by **__The Light's Refrain__**. Credit for the title's inspiration goes to the [unaware] **__Mango smoothiee__**.**_

**Enjoy!—**

**Warning: Complete nonsense and mess-up tenses. May contain uncomfortable topics. **

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><p>NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY<p>

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><p><em>Something told him that he must be high off of Parasect spores.<em>

Let's just ignore the improper pronoun for now and turn out attention towards this story's protagonist, May. You know, the girl with dog-ear hair, spandex shorts and a kick-ass starter **((though I chose Treecko myself))**? Yeah, her. Anyway, this particular girl was currently stood in the doorway of her boyfriend's room, taking in the unexpected masses of colour with a gaping mouth. Unexpected, _pink_ and _lacy_ masses of colour.

She and Drew had been dating for about three months now, since that's the period **((haha… **_**period**_**)) **of time that the Authoress deemed appropriate in spite of her own blatant lack of romantic experience. Relationship virginity **((haha… **_**virginity**_**))** aside, the co-ordinators made a comfortable couple, with May being awkward whilst Drew was smug but surprisingly patient with their slow progress… _Now she knew why._

It had been through sheet plot convenience that May had stumbled into his bedroom, which had slipped through a plot hole and become apart of her home for some reason. Overwhelmed with a well-timed flood of emotion, May fell helplessly to her knees, letting out a small whimper as she felt her heart tear in two (because that's totally not a cliche sentence and all). Just like all good heroines, she was completely useless without her male anchor and she could do literally nothing to ease the heartbreak. _**Nothing**_. Not even, like, get over herself until her ex came back like "_omg i was just lyk protectin u babe id die 3 u and shizz so iI split us so you weren't in dangr!_" and then she'd go all "_rellly?! yush im suddenly okay let us make SMEXX!1_"

(Unless it was a source of *TEENAGE ANGST* where she'd sing to the moon and stuff. No foreshadowing _**at all**_ **[even crack!fics have plot, you know]**)

Back to the present, though, because I'm just under the 500 word minimum _awolflover2_ established. Ayo.

*INTENSE GLARING HELL YEAH FLAMES OF YOUTH LET'S CONTINUE THIS MOTHERFACKER*

Meanwhile, the writer ONNMT took a moment to sob grossly to how the humour is pretty mild so far. So caught up in her revision of the first half, the online sensation (note sarcasm) didn't notice her netbook being pulled away from her…

_A wild Suethor appears!_

As the Mary Sue-maker took the small laptop into her lap, in-story May felt a sudden shift in the environment as the writing style changed drastically; stumbling, May clawed at the wall when, to her horror, the brunette spotted some marionette strings descending from the ceiling. Powerless against the new author's will, May found her wrists and ankles bound my sparkling ropes that possessed her soul and made her act…

_O.O.C._

DRAMATICAL GASP.

**((Insert a pause as I move from the kitchen to my bedroom. My feet are cold.))**

**((Insert another pause as my document closes down))**

_**FUUUUUUUUU-**_

**Oh.**

**((Thank Kami, it's autosave))**

An abrupt transition takes place, revealing May, who was now stood in the middle of a forest because *THEATRICALness*. Now considerably more flawless – '_cos who would want to date a normal person, armarite?_ – and infinitely more beautiful, crystal-like tears beaded at the corners of her eyes, glistening angelically in the bright moonlight; the sky-blob was a crescent moon like the one on Fluffy-kin's forehead, of course, highlighting May's newfound extreme-beauty). A single droplet slid down May's porcelain face, her bangs moving to shield her eyes in spite of the quote-"dog-ear"-unquote style. Yeah.

Weeping silently, May felt her throat tighten before she began to move lightly, dancing listlessly in her space as her mouth began to open. Perfect, melodious notes rose from her lips, her song (unbeknownst to her) attracting the cute woodland animals. Throwing her head up to gaze at the moon, May hit an especially high note, tossing open her arms as feathered wings burst from her back and–!

A bucket of ice dropped onto her, breaking the OOC trance as the true writer pounced on the Suethor in the real world, having tracked the fake down. Pink bondage loosening, May shrieked as she dived into the nearby lake, the cool water a much more desirable temperature than the arctic blocks that had been unceremoniously dumped on her by ONNMT.

(For those of you interested, the night-creatures had all scattered by now; please note that no animals were harmed in the making of this fanfiction, excluding the crushed plushie. **You're welcome**)

By the time that May emerged, ONNMT had regained possession of her computer, an unconscious body at her feet. Not that May knew that.

"Thanks," said protagonist muttered, wringing out her outfit just as some towels dropped onto her head through the thin veil between reality and fiction.

**No problem.**

"So, are we going to scene-change now or…?"

**Uh, probably. I don't really know how to get from Here to There smoothly, but I've still got another few pages to write before I'm done (can you believe we've got five [font-16] pages already?). Hold on, this'll be a bit… bumpy.**

And that's how May found herself on her ass, buried under piles and piles **((seriously, not even I have that many))** of pink panties, identical to the ones she'd discovered in Drew's room. Reminded of the story opening, May managed to wrestle herself out after nearly suffocating beneath the mountain of lacy knickers, growling – "_DREW!" –_ since I need to have in-character dialogue somewhere.

Lingerie aside, May was disgusted to find some shimmery marks streaked across her wrists and ankles from where she'd been puppet-tied by the Suethor. Thoroughly grossed out, the teenager stomped towards the bathroom and flung open the door, determined to have a shower.

This is where things get weird.

"...Drew?"

The mentioned seaweed-hair snapped his head towards his lost girlfriend, screeching in manly shock. Seeing it was May, he dove to cover… _whatever_ it was that he was messing with, ducking behind the shower curtain whilst covering his privates.

"M-May!" he greeted with a robotic voice, eyes wide with terror from behind the sheet "What are you doing here?"

Wordlessly, the Pokemon trainer stormed across the room and simply grabbed the shower curtain, tearing it to the side with a sharp ripping sound - this was it, she'd caught him in the act, Drew _was cheating and she'd found him–_!

–Wearing a pair of pink boyshorts...?

"_It's fuschia, dammit!"_ Drew wailed, collapsing to the floor with tiny stars censoring his bare nipples "I admit it, alright? I'm-" He sniffed, whispering, "I'm a crossdresser."

.

.

.

(I don't know what you expected)

Needless say that this _blatantly_ implied that the ladies undies belonged to him, not some random girl, as the feminine fanny-covers made him feel more authentic _(read: I got lazy)_, and May understood completely.

Suddenly, period pains and a splatter of blood on the floor.

"_**OBJECTION!"**_

Because this writing plainly couldn't get any worse, the nearby toilet lid burst open as a man in a blue suit popped out, absolutely dripping with potty fluid but still managing to hold his iconic pose. He barked,

"The suspect's shorts are of a _dark_ material – it's a well-known fact that menstruation does not show through black/dark-blue clothing!"

On the shelf next to Drew, a shampoo bottle split open as Dawn of all people slipped through the opening. She landed on top of the showerhead, hands planted firmly on her hips as she pirouetted on the spot. Again. And again. Over and over and over and over and… _She just never stopped._

Oblivious to how she was rotating constantly without moving her feet/legs, the bubbly blunette retorted, "Be that as it may, this is a _crack_ fic – logic need not apply!"

The first man smirked, crossing his arms.

"Yes, but you forget that the authoress is _female_ – would she of all people joke about cramps when she's aware that any form of cramp is utterly _[body part]_-mincing and painful?! The bleeding here isn't the topic, it's the mention of _cramps_!"

Absently, May muttered about how that was a lame way of steering around TMI, before she noticed that every time Dawn completed three circles, a pretty dress materialised on her being – her contest wear. Spluttering, May remember how, in Pokemon Ruby, she never got a change of clothes for her co-ordinating; this realisation lead to her crouching in the corner, mushrooms springing up as she brooded.

On the other side of the room, Drew quietly slipped into his Ursula cosplay because he was a sad sh*t who had to become his own fangirl **(or something like that, IDK I didn't watch the Hoenn anime arc)**. Sneaking past the debating duo and May's emo corner, (s)he was about to make a break for it when the sink tap's started vibrating.

Everyone froze.

May slowly rose from her shroom store (which she originally intended to '_accidently' _set these on the apartment building), abandoning her magic plans as she backed into the wall. Dawn stopped mid-transformation, resulting in only half of a dress. Mr. Lawyer simply leapt out of the window, screaming, _"To Narnia!"_.

That left Drew/Ursula.

Trembling, the (wo)man reached out for the tap…

…

Drumroll please.

…

…

…

The tension is giving me chills!

…

…

…

…

…

"He needs water. _More water_."

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

.

.

.

**(Now I'm just f*cking with you.)**

_"PASTAAAAAAAAAA!"_

And that was how Harley joined the fray, squeezing out of the tap with remarkable speed, tackling Drew/Ursula and peppering them with kisses. They proceeded to make Mpreg hentai yaoi babies.

_The End._

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><p><span>Epilogue<span>

Dawn recorded the entire thing and sold it on eBay, becoming a millionairess; Harley and Drew lived happily ever after, and May dashed out of the room to go fap, tripping over her Skitty's cat litter as she did so. In a last-ditch effort to be funny, the authoress made her fall in slow-motion like the kinda-useful lesbian she was, her basketball-sized helium butt-cheeks blowing softly in the wind as soothing music played in the background, just like Eiken.

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><p>And then I Shikamaru.<p>

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><p><em>(Story word count: 1,740)<em>

**_*For a wolflover2 and the Story Starter Challenge, with a shout-out to The Light's Refrain for providing me with the motivation to write with her opening line*_**

**Author's note: Well... That was a thing XD**

**This is such a freaking mess, omg. My first time writing crack as well as my first completed challenge, huh? I'm not gonna lie, this was a journey from start to finish and was quite enjoyable imo. On a serious note, though, I DO support the LGBT-ect community, cross-dressing, gender-identity and such, whilst being COMPLETELY against drugs – I hope to god that I didn't accidentally offend/trigger anyone with either of the joke themes, and if I did please contact me as soon as possible so that I can apologise profusely and make things right on this page. **

**Kudos to Flaming Platinum for the constructive criticism; I'm happy with the revisions, so it should be easier to read now. Unrelated to that, I'm back at school now, fifth week in on Monday, so I should be settling in nicely. Homework's a drag, though (huff)**

**Well, I think that's all. Ja ne, all! ^.^**

**-ONNMT**

**P.S. All hail Samson. **

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><p><em><span>REFERENCES<span>_

_**~"Fluffy-kins"** - the fangirl pet-name for the daiyokai, Sesshomaru_

_**~"a bucket of ice" **- the original name for this fanfiction, before I began thinking out sherbet (I don't like the stuff myself; too powdery)_

_**~"It's fuschia, dammit!"**__- a nod at the wonderful Pacthesis otome game, "Kingdom Days". Gawd do I love senpai's dating sims *-*_

_**~"OBJECTION!" **- a meme that originates from the Phoenix Attorney games; never played them myself, but I can appreciate the shattering sound of your will as you facedesk_

_**~"pirouette on the spot" **- in the Diamond/Pearl/Platinum games, the female protagonist just spins three times to change into her contest dress; however, you just wear normal clothes in Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald_

_**~"mushrooms springing up" **- whenever Tamaki from OHSHC gets upset, he has his mushroom/emo corner_

_**~"dress up as his own fangirl"** - one of the most-Googled questions about PewDiePie is if he is his own girlfriend, CutiePieMarzia. This is a dedication to that moment, as well as his unamused but puzzled face_

**_~"which she intended to 'accidentally' set on the apartment building"_**_ - the plot of Gumi's Vocaloid song, Sweet Soda Flats_

_**~"To Narnia!"** - PewDiePie. Love that guy._

_**~"'He needs water... More water!" **- Danisnotonfire says this in his Christmas disaster video; my best friend, _angel ninja cat_,_ _reminded me of this about the time I was planning this one-shot_

_**~"PASTAAAAAAAAAAAA!" **- Italy from Hetalia, also given by Angel_

_**~"Eiken" **- see the YouTube video 42 Things Wrong With Eiken to understand. _

_**~"And then I Shikamaru"** - a recurring line/joke in the Tumblr blog, Bad Naruto Fanfiction_

**_~"All hail Samson" _**_- the name of my Sceptile in Ruby, as a tribute to the parasite attached to my favourite Skullgirls character_


End file.
